Who Can U Trust?

I'm alone right now in my room in campus. Thinking about what a certain someone has just said. It's merely making me feel bad about myself but isn't it just enough?

I'm trying to tell you nicely that I don't want to get involved in your life anymore. Listening to you talk about your life and your decisions is just making me die out of life. I may sound depressing but to this extent, I don't know what I should do?

*Thinking hard*

You can really make me feel bad. With your words. You- have the power to make me weak inside, thinking that I can trust no one but you. No one is better than you. You fill my head with statements that I could even trust myself.

"She's not your friend"
"She told me so and so, you can't trust her anymore"
"It's not me! It was your friend who told me"

So, precisely, who can I trust again?

Damn it. Why have I been so naive thinking that going away to another state would make my past run dry and eventually go away? Right this moment, I just need someone to be honest with me. Tell me if I'm a bitch. Tell me if I'm the girl you hate. Tell me if I've done something to deserve what I'm going through now. I don't wan anyone who claims to be my friend and ends up like a backstabbing bitch or jerk.

So, leave if you don't like what you're reading. I'm just trying to find out who are my friends.

Ask me if you want to know something about me. Don't ask someone else who u think is close to me. But the truth is, nothing is nearer to my heart than pain.

* PAIN * My Heart Is Closer Into Breaking To Smaller Pieces That I, Myself Can't Put Them Back.
I just want you to be back where we were. Good friends that can trust each other. Be the one I once trusted. Be the one who listens to my problems late at night. Be the one I once loved.

To the friends I've just known, be truthfully. I have enough of these dramas.

What to do when you hate someone? Or when someone is a total b-i-t-c-h? Practically ruined most of your life.

Okay. I'm exaggerating.
The simpliest answer to the question - Forget about her. She's the angel in her demon world.

Ahh chucks. Why am I thinking about this again? Probably the effect of viewing too many Friendster profiles.

So when is the time to say that you know a person well enough?

• You spend most of your time with him/her?


• You feel like spurting out everything that is in your mind when you're around him/her?


• You feel that you can only count on him/her?

So precisely when do you know when you fall in love?

• You spend most of your time with him/her?


• You feel like spurting out everything that is in your mind when you're around him/her?


• You feel that you can only count on him/her?

RIGHT. So what's the difference again?

So, you have friends that think that they know everything about LOVE. They lecture you about it - what, who, where and when. Arhh, GREAT.More lectures. But then again, what do I actually know and when do I know to believe to what extend?

IS IT logical to LOVE someone but you don't trust him/her at all?

I DON"T KNOW..

It's 1.12am in the morning and I'm not feeling sleepy. I'm not online in MSN Messenger. I'm not online in Friendster. Pretty much I'm not doing anything at all. Then again, that has a bad effect.

Doing nothing will lead to thinking something. And the thinking something will eventually lead you to thinking to much and we all know what that leads to - Depression.

Rewind. What am I saying? I take it back. Time for Kenny Sia's blogs. He can really make my day~

Friends that I can always count on? :D.

Indeed.

p/s : I miss nothing more than my mum right now...

I WAS WAY BEYONG WRONG...

In my last blog, I mentioned that Dharma classes make you guilty.

NO. It's not like that.

It's actually quite fun. Like today, I waited at the library until the class start at 7.30pm. The attendance wasn't convincing andI could see the Hsuen Ming's face being disappointed as not many turned up. As I was walking pass the Cafe, I noticed Japheth and his gang were walking towards me. Oh~ What were they doing?

"Hey Van~ Where you're heading to?"
I look at him with despair but managed to mutter these few words.
- I'm heading to dharma class.-

"Oh."

Okay. So it wasn't the 'oh' that I was looking for. Apparantly he was coming back from Christian Fellowship. So there it was - the disappointed 'oh'.

Sometimes I feel the gap between friends when they found out that I'm a buddhist. Some sort of discrimination?

I get these comments most of the time.

" Ha? You're a Buddhist? You don't look like one."
" Aren't you aChristian?"
" You don't look like a chinese. Are you mix?"

Getting fed up of these comments. I thought everyone knows about the "Don't judge the book by its cover" proverb..?

Dr. Sin and Mrs. Sin - the advisors of Buddhist Society really gave me a awakening talk. Not precisely the big, boring talk. But somehow the provoking topic - the bad karma and the good dharma. He mentioned something about what ever you do will have its cause and effect; no matter where you go later on in life.

I vividly remember going to the temple when the exams are approaching - to pray for good luck and blessing. Never did I realise that it would not do any good if you have the good vibe or energy in you?

RIGHT. NOW I GET IT.
Wait. Do I?

One thing I just discovered. Why are they so many people that convert their religion to other religion? Especially when they are formally Buddhists? Just an simple answer.

Gautama Buddha never thought anyone to kill and worship him. I don't know about other religions but like Islam and Christians; you're aint allowed to step out of the religion...?

I almost forgotten. Both of them mentioned something about thinking the other way around. Something like no matter how bad the situation may be, you can always make it better by thinking it that way. Yeah, so you did many bad sinful 'deeds'. It's never too late to pay back. :D

~Amithaba~ - Enjoyed chanting Da Bei Jou.

Stuff Out From My Heart~

Sitting down at my chair, I began to wonder who I really reflect myself. Dharma classes can really make you guilty. With all the past deeds and karma? I can't begin to think how my life would be like in the next life? God? Buddha? Ghost? Or perharps a human again?

Worries.. Worriess...


"It's better being single. You can do anything you want. But you just have to deal with one small thing - LONELINESS."

Yeah. True. Totally true. Dealing with loneliness is the hardest thing to do. I have friends. Nice friends who never leave my sight for a second. But how long would they last? I'll be far gone from this college - INTI. And you might ask. Where to after that?

Exams are going to be over this November. And I'll be right back at Malacca. Where all my friends in college have scattered around the world. Not to mention, friends from sec school that can not be found anymore. Yeah, there are segelintir that went to Form6. But what about the others.?

Notice that I have a lot of questions? Darn. I don't know about you.But I'm feeling more lonely than ever. Not to mention, feeling sorry for myself.

"Photons give away all their energy to electrons to be accelerated out of the metal surface. Whole heartedly. The electrons will now have enough energy to flirt when they're out of the metal surface. Photons only give out their energy once; they will die soon after doing so..."

So, replace the photons with females. And replace the electrons with males.

So even Physics proves the male and female attraction?

Tell me again why do I feel the sudden prick in my heart whenever I see you?

Because I miss you, you idiot. Don't you get it? :(

I won't say I don't miss you. Because I just do. But when I realise that you don't care about me anymore, tears just filled my tears. Filling the eyes but not the time to fall down yet. These past few months, all I've been trying to do is to avoid you. Taking a step to college is one of them. So am I the only darn idiot who still keeps your letters and emails and everything that has to do with you?

I'm just PLAIN stupid.

But it all ends well, I suppose. I'm feeling lonely. Yeah. I know. I get the depressing part. But I'm feeling more happier with my friends around. Happier than ever since we were gone, lost and seperated.

Sometimes, I can't stop myself from thinking what would happen if I hadn't been such a pain in the arse. Or mayb how would things be like you would just understand how much pain I'm going thru without you.

RIGHT. ENOUGH.

I told myself I'm over you. But fact is, I still love you. What am I to do?

Conclusion = Be a noble gas. No sharing bonds, no taking bonds and no giving away any or whatso ever bonds to anyone.

Weeee.....

Wonderful day~

My parents decided to bring me up to KL this weekend. It was a great weekend indeed. Never felt even happier when they are around. I miss them a lot. It has been ages since I last went home and I miss everything about home especially mum, dad and leroy.

Dad brought us all to Subang Jaya where we went to IDP and got 'some' information about the universities in Australia. Australia. Australia. Would do anything to go there. But then again, why go there when your degree offered is not the degree you wanted in the first place?

*Still in the process of thinking of which U to go*

And the best thing ever was to see SUYI!!! Was walking walking pass the shops and badaboom!! I saw Suyi with Coreyy.. Awww.. Sweet.. Hehee.. I was so happy to see her. She still look the same but I still missed her a lot. Nice to see her! Weehehee...

So daddy dcided to have our lunch at Asia Cafe or something like that. Can't really remember the name of the cafe. And oopss!! Guess who I meet? IVAN?

*AAAAAAAAAAAAWwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....*

He couldn't recognise me with my hair. I don't know why. He definately still look the same. Still look like Lee Hom to me. HAHA. My heart nearly drop when I saw him. He was definately suprised to see me too.

And there it was again. His smile. Long time since I last saw his smile. Hehe

Soo........ after that, dad brought us all to Sungai Wang and Times Square and that is wheere the shopping spreee BEGAN!! Weehehe...

*Shop. Shop. Shop.* For nearly half a day!

At the end of the day, I got what I wanted for so long..:

• Low-cut jeans
• Spagetti top with beads
• Sexy top from SEED
• Green beaded belt from PADDINI
• Blue skirt
• Plain white T-shirt
• Little brown compatible handbag

Okay. That's a LITTLE too much I guess.. Haha! But oh well, it's once in a blue moon. Mum and dad got themselves new accessories too.. LOTS and LOTS.

*Ouch. I feel a hole in dad's wallet* Haha. His two princess bought too many things

We ended the journey at around 9 where we ate dinner at GIANT near Nilai. I had to bid farewell to them and teared a little. Darn, when's the next time I'm gonna see them again?

I LOVE YOU. Mum you're the best! Dad you're the one, 4ever and always.! Leroy, bad boy for not coming along. JAHAT!! :D

What's Wrong With Me?

The right thing to delete my blog in friendster? :( I don't know. I don't think I wanna look back anymore. *Frets*

I just need someone to hear me out. Would you be the one right there for me?

And so, It's Happening Again

It's okay if someone leaves. But is it okay if you might not see the someone again? I don't know what I'm feeling right now but it's just not going to be the same without you.

Screaming your name from downstairs would be something I'm going to miss. Seeing you laugh would definately be a no-no from now on. Looking at your argue about stupid and childish things with Sherin, Shaun, or practically everyone is kinda cute after all. Yeah, we only met about 5 months? Hmmm.. 5 months is not that long.

I just wanna say, I'll definately miss you , Prisnyi. I hope for the best for you. And you know you can always count on me. XD

And so, yet another person leaves.. It's happening again.

a Long Wait is Worth It at last...=)

Hi there! Hehe..at last I manage to post something in this blog. I guess Tze Min can sleep in peace now. Haha.. xD Anyway, sorry gals.. I really don't have time to scribble something on this blog weeks ago. Busy with my test and my presentation. And now that the holiday starts, at least I have some free time to spend on this blog thing. =) Well, I still need to spend some of my time on study. Once the school start, I will have a week of test. But I guess I still can manage my time for fun and study. =) Anyway, I really can't think of what to write right now. Moreover I can't wait to meet you gals!! I think it's still the best to share stories face to face right?! So, end of story..!! The conclusion is that we will meet and share some funny stories k!Haha..easy for me and also you gals. K,bye! Tata...

PooooFF!

I was looking thru the stuff in my old dekstop back home and guess what I'm found. A poem I written about 1 year ago. I totally forgot about it. Take a look

If ONLY YOU COULD SEE
Written by, Yeow,V.M.Y

If Only You Could See,
Deep Inside,
How sorry I felt when I lost you, FOREVER

If Only You Could See,
Deep Inside,
What stupid things I’ve done,
Just to see you.

If Only You Could See,
Deep Inside,
How hurt I am,
When you flirt with other gals.

If Only You Could See,
The pain I’ve been through,
Just to be with you.

If Only You Could See,
How sad I’ve been,
When you don’t call anymore.

If Only You Could See,
How heartbroken I am,
To see you messaging someone else
And not me ; right before my eyes.

If Only You Could See,
How disappointed I am,
When you tell HER everything
And I don’t know anything
About your life anymore.

If Only You Could See,
I’m a girl with bit feelings,
And if I do hurt you,
It’s not on purpose.

If Only You Could See,
How down to hell I felt,
When you said I purposely intend to hurt you…
If Only You Could See,
All I wanted was someone to love me,
And someone I could love too.

If Only You Could See,
How much I’ve been missing
The midnight calls from you,
And how I’ve been crying myself to sleep everyday.

If Only You Could See,
How much I missed those moments,
When we just lie around
Doing nothing.

If Only You Could See,
How much I’ve miss you,
Playing with my hair
And just sitting beside me..

If Only You Could See,
That I can’t live without you,
And I need you,
Every second in my life.

If Only You Could See,
That my love for you was for real,
And you were the MAN for me..

If Only You Could See,
How sad I am,
To realize that you know nothing
New about me or my life anymore.
You’ve forgotten about me!

If Only You Could See,
That I’ve been keeping all our movie tickets,
To remember the moments we had in the cinema.

If Only You Could See,
That jealousy was my thing,
To show you how much I LOVE you..


If Only You Could See,
What I’ve written for you,
But I don’t want you to know..

If Only I Could Make You See,
That I had always loved you and cherished you,
For every moment in my life,
And I’m sorry,
I was just being your girlfriend..

I KNOW I CAN

With everything that wants break your heart, you push it away. It's not going to make you feel bad anymore. You are a person of your own. You got back your faith, your strength. You just need to use it better-wisely. U know U can do it. Even if you feel that U can't. U know U can and that's all that matters. You're leaving the world you once lived, you are in a whole new world now. Exactly at this moment, your life begins again. Begins with new goals, new aspirations, new inspirations.

You won't let anything disturb you anymore. It's all going to be over soon. More precisely, it's OVER. All your problems are over. Your life begins NOW.

TYLER HILTON
Glad

Everywhere you go, perfection
Follows you the wrong direction
And you will never see if for
You get all that you need and more
You see it, you want it
You find it, it's yours

But you can't say what you want or
Take what you want or
Choose the moods that you fake when you want
You said your life couldn't get much better
Then where it's at
And aren't you glad

The only one of 5; exception
The child of your pride, deception
And on your list of things to do
Is make me fall in love with you
You find one, you want one
Cause I'm one, who plays

You can't say what you want or
Take what you want or
Choose the moods that you fake when you want
You said your life needed something special
Which you don't have

You can't say what you want or
Take what you want or
Rest and wake anyway that you want
You said your life couldn't get much better
Well, here I am, and aren't you glad.
Now you got it bad
I know you do

You can't say what you want or
Take what you want or
Choose the moods that you fake when you want
You said your life couldn't get much better
Then where you're at

And you can't say what you want or
Take what you want or
Rest and wake anyway that you want
You said your life needed something special
Which you don't have
Well, aren't you glad
Well, aren't you glad
Well, aren't you glad

Wonder Years

Taking a careless stroll on a breezy night has made it to my long list of things that make you feel HAPPY! The time of our life to actually feel young and carefree is hard to come by, and they say it’ll just go ‘poof’… and then there will be nothing left but sweet memories that you hold on to.
And for those who are quite sick of love songs (maybe for now), oh well….it may just be that you never actually give it a chance. And no, I’m not just talking about the young, passionate, full-of-curiosity boy-girl relationships that you see all too often in the streets nowadays, it is the big love in general. The one that your parents give you so unconditionally; the time when your friend warms your heart; even the smile your teacher spare for you when you did a favour for her…
Now why do I keep talking about LOVE ??? must have been all those romantic comedies that I’ve watched, its getting into my head now.. oh well, since love is the one which makes the world goes ever so round.